On a beautiful sunday I am sitting at a coffee shop pondering this question. Where have they gone. I have so many friends who are dating bad, bad men. Some of them are dumb enough to stay with them. Some of them go to extremes to date somewhat decent men, like having long distance relationships (which in my opinion are not worth it!). Some of them go out constantly to the wrong places to try to find “the good men”. As I had lunch today with my amazing friend Claudia, we discussed where all the good men went. Apparently most of them are in relationships, dating women who are bitches, don’t know what they want and other things of that source. The rest of them, where to find them? This week, I am going to make it my quest to figure that out. I can easily eliminate a few places. For one, they are not at clubs like “Drais”. The only types of guys that go to those places to find women are looking for one-night stands or they are just complete tools, this I know. Secondly, they don’t go to dinner parties, most of the guys you meet at dinner parties are either taken or wrapped up in something you don’t want to get involved in. I’m going to bet that a good place to meet a good man would be a coffee shop, hence why I’m sitting here. Or a close friend’s party. We shall see. Ever the eternal optimist about love, even with all of my relationship fails, I know I can find a good man. He’s out there somewhere. Maybe we won’t have a fairy tale ending, maybe we won’t fall madly in love. But maybe, just maybe we can at least have a blast over a good cup of coffee…
So I’ve been on some seriously freaky dates lately with some severely normal guys…
Man #1 who we will call “the grip” was seemingly nice. We met on set months ago at Universal Studios and he got my number. After one date I decided he was too nice and didn’t see him again til about a week ago when we went on our second date. Afterwards we walked back to my apartment where he hugged me goodnight, and again I just wasn’t feeling it. After all, you can’t force feelings. So after that every single day he would text me, call me (wanting to wish me goodnight) and be all sorts of stage 5 clinger status. Normally, if a guy I was into was doing this I might find it a tad bit annoying but I’d still like it nonetheless, but with this guy that was NOT the case. After ignoring his texts and calls for a few days I get a call from my apartment manager claiming that some guy had brought a huge $75 dollar bouquet of flowers to my apartment office for me. Upon picking it up they told me that he kept calling to see if I had received it yet. The card on it had my name spelled incorrectly and a tacky note that said “Call me” on it. Who does this? Since when did chivalry become so weird? Since when did a seemingly normal guy become so crazy clingy! Shouldn’t I be the clingy one in the situation? Apparently not. So I texted him to say thank you and that I was just not interested so that he wouldn’t waste anymore change on flowers I could barely find space for in my apartment and of course he tries to ask me out again. I turned him down one last time, while exclaiming in my head, “if you ask me out again I’ll definitely have to bring the bitch in me out on this one”. Thank goodness that is over with…
Guy #2 who we will call Mr. Normal took me out for drinks where we had a seemingly normal conversation and a fun time. I was actually really enjoying his company when we slept together and everything went completely crazy. This one is a little graphic so I won’t go into detail on here but lets just say in bed, he was a F-R-E-A-K! Since when did a nice guy, from a good town, with a good job become a freak in the sheets? Where am I finding these crazy guys!
Just when I thought I couldn’t handle anymore crazy I began to feel like I was going crazy. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit tense with other people. Maybe pushing them away but the whole “I’m sooo busy” excuse as to why someone can’t get together with you or call you really puts me off. Like, I work in the film industry, I KNOW busy better than 95% percent of people out there (especially those with “job jobs”) and the whole too busy excuse doesn’t work for me. If I’m not too busy to call you or ask you to hang or whatever then you shouldn’t be either. Also, the whole text message things been bothering me lately. I feel like if people want to talk they can call me because people misread text messages all the time and all this crazy around me lately has been making my texts a little tense to say the least, at least when it comes to texting conversations. Anyways, I’ve been starting to feel like maybe I’m the crazy one? Maybe all these nutjobs are attracted to me because they feel the magnetism of my crazy? But I always thought I was a normal one who looked crazy? Then I figured it out. No one is completely normal. We all have our little freakiness inside us. It’s just a matter of finding that freak that suits your freak. That freak that makes you feel like a freak too but a good freak. Because trust me, there will always be someone out there who appreciates your brand of freakiness.
So this brings me to guy #3 who I went out with to a museum. We’ll call him Retail guy. So retail guy takes me to a museum of something that I’m not generally interested in but hey I can work with it. And let me tell you retail guy is the freakiest looking (in a handsome punk-rock kinda way) out of all the guys I’ve been out with lately. So we have a great day at the museum and then go out to lunch where we proceed to have drinks and smoke cigarettes chatting and having a blast. Could it be? Could I have found a freak that suits my freak? Could he be freaky looking but totally normal? I think so. Upon dropping me off at home he gave me a kiss and said he had been waiting to do that for a long time which I thought was immeasurably sweet. Overall, it was a great date, no freakiness to speak of. So I think I will see him again.
Because, as I said, we all are freaks. Whether we have monroes, nose-rings and change our hair color with the seasons or we are completely generic looking. Each and every one of us has weird habits, flaws and things that would generally freak some people out. But when you find that person, whos “freak” you can appreciate… maybe you should keep them around. Because finding that person whos freak you can work with, is a great start to what could be something freaky, but great.
Whether you want sex, companionship, a new job, a challenge, new friends or a plethora of other things we all always want something more. Over a year and a half ago I was engaged to be married. Yes, ring, dog and apartment ready to be married. And I broke it off and gave that up because I wanted to live the life of a single young woman while I can and I got that. I asked the universe for it and the universe gave it to me. So I have to learn to be happy with what I asked for and relish in it, because, lets face it, it could be worse.
For instance, my good friend heather wants a good assistant and she just can’t seem to find one. All the girls shes been hiring have been wrong in one way or another (too sloppy, too lazy, etc.). She can’t find that new assistant and is stressed about it.
And my friend Dana wants companionship and can’t seem to find it. She puts herself out there and is one of the most amazing,beautiful and fun women I know but can’t find a great guy to share her life with.
Lastly, my friend Lacy wanted a new job… and she got it. Now she’s got a slew of other problems in figuring out how her life is gonna work with a completely new job in a new city.
We all want different things in life. Sometimes, when we get them, we wish we never wanted them in the first place. Which is what I dealt with for a long time after breaking off my engagement. But I’m coming to a point in my life where I am learning to work it on my own and be happy with what I have… like great friends, an amazing family and so much more. If you focus on the good, good things can only come your way.
Tonight, I ended up wandering out to dinner alone. All dressed up with nowhere to go after a potential date fell through I found myself sitting at Pitfire Pizza drinking sangria and smoking cigarettes as I contemplated If I was happy with what I wanted. I ate dinner alone… no man, no book, no friends… no armor. And you know what I felt happy. I could be Krystle without any of that stuff and I could be happy without any of that stuff. I am a much stronger woman than I thought I was. Then I got to thinking, why do I keep turning these extremely nice guys away to waste my time with these asshole guys who never end up treating me right. And in my past posts I have talked about how if you’re a bitch, guys will like you. That’s exactly what happened with Grip Italiano (his nickname). Grip Italiano is an italian grip with facial hair who’s a “man’s man”. He does man’s work, acts awkward and treats me like a princess through and through. We had been on one date 8 months ago where I deemed him to be too needy and too nice and promptly began ignoring him. A couple weeks ago he texted me and of course I was an enormous bitch to him. Tonight, however, I decided to text him and see what he was up to. As he was just getting off work he promptly offered to meet me at Pitfire for a drink where he proceeded to walk me home afterwards. He even went for the hand-hold and kissed me as he walked me to my door. He was such a nice guy, talking about how we’d make a cute couple and how he’s been waiting 8 months to go out with me again. So maybe this nice guy deserves a chance? Maybe this nice guy should change my pattern?
Because maybe, just maybe in life… what we want… isn’t always what we need.
So I’ve been working so much lately I haven’t even really had much time at all for a personal life. This next week I want to explore how you can have balance in your life. I feel like lately all I’ve been doing is working, which is great because I love the industry that I work in but I’d also like to have a little time off to date and figure out my personal life too. I feel like there’s still so much I want to learn about myself.
This is a pretty short post, but will write more when I have a bit more time :)
Today I am working my 7th day straight. Let me just tell you that when you work 7 days straight these things happen:
-You think that going to work is “fun”
-Your co-workers become your confidantes
-You eat snacks galore that would usually make you cringe.
-You get pleasure of out the simplest, stupidest, little things because you’ve lacked mental stimulation for about 50% of your day.
-You make some amazing new friends out of people you would have never met otherwise.
-You wake up every morning with an amazing sense of purpose and a great love for what you do.
-You learn to appreciate your free time/off-time much more.
… These are just a few of the things that happen to you when you work 7 days straight in production.
I feel very fortunate to have work and to feel this alive again. It’s a great way to start my spring for sure. Although, it definitely has deterred my dating life a little bit. Who wants to go out on a date when you work from 6:30am to 8:30pm all weekend then 8:30 pm to 10pm on the weekdays, I’ll tell you… no one. But in the spirit of writing this blog, I will pull myself together and do this… for you guys (aren’t you lucky?) and also for myself.
At The Voice Season 3 auditions yesterday I did manage to get hit on my an african american dude who got my number so we could keep in contact (as professionals and friends or so I thought) but as I was giving him it he goes, “Wait, are you seeing anyone”. Me: “No”. Him: “Oh okay good cause I don’t want to step on any toes”. Me (Thinking): Either way we are so not going out. Anyways, that was interesting. I’ve never had someone assume so quickly that I’d be ask-outable like that. I just made up a word. Anyhow, that happened. Met lots of cute guys that day actually. I guess we’ll see if anything comes of it.
On to another day on America’s Best Dance Crew…
So this week I started working on MTV’s hit show, “America’s Best Dance Crew” Season 7. Working on a Television show full time is extremely busy, extremely time-consuming and stressful. We are expected to give up our personal lives, our health and our sanity in order to make sure that the show runs smoothly, the contestants don’t kill themselves or earch other and that everyone knows what they’re doing. But you have to do it because you love it. You have to do it because you love the idea of your name being on a show. You love the idea of being apart of something that millions of people will see. It’s really pretty awesome to be apart of something big and to be learning from the best. I feel blessed and excited.
Although tonight, I do have a date with Skin and Bones tonight! We shall see how this goes…
So a friend, Kim, told me about this book entitled, “Why Men love bitches”. She also mentioned, “Why men marry bitches”. After much deliberation I’ve decided to test out the basic theory in these books that Kimberly so kindly recommended to me.
As I watched “Sex and the City” on my couch and wondered… Do men really love bitches? So this week I will be utilizing my dates to figure it out. One night I will go out, dressed up to the hilt, and be complete sweetheart. I will assess if he calls me back, how the date goes, etc. Then I will dress the same way, and go out with a different guy and be a bitch. Then I will assess how he acts towards me after. It’s worth a shot I figure. In Los Angeles, there are thousands of single guys, what do they really want? Bitches, sweethearts, smokers, blondes? What? So I am going to give it a try. The beauty of being young and in your 20s is that you have time to experiment. You have time to figure out what works and what doesn’t. And I don’t necessarily think being a bitch means being a complete BITCH to someone. I just think it’s having more of an attitude. To be the beauty, or the bitch? That is the question…
I have entered an interesting chapter in my life. I’ve outgrown the boys of my past, but not quite grown into the men of my future.
I have officially decided that I am done with the Night Owl. 4 dates and done. That’s that.
I’m sorry but I believe that after 4 dates if you really like someone you’d want to text them or see them more than once a week, regardless of how busy you are. I’m busy as fuck but I still make time for the people I care about. If he sincerely cared about me, he would too.
Maybe the Night Owl was too old for me. He was 33 to my 22 anyways… I mean that’s a good 11 years. Also, as far as our lives we were on 2 different levels. He’s a waiter, bartender and occasional musician and I am only 22 with a bachelor’s degree and a promising career in a booming industry… It would have never worked out.
Sigh, I will miss you Night Owl, goodbye.. on to greener pastures and older hollows you go.
On the flip side, This weekend/week I have a date with a guy we’ll call Skin and Bones. Now Skin and Bones and I are going to do dinner. But he’s your standard artsy skin and bones guy. Completely thin, completely creative and completely my type… wish me luck.
So today keeping my fingers crossed. Big changes are on the horizon. Very excited and scared and all of the above. You know that feeling when you can decide how you feel and you know that everything’s about to change. You know when you think you’re making a decision that could change the course of your career and life? It is one of those days.
As for my happily ever after, I’m going to keep my heart open and my eyes peeled for him. I think he’s out there. Maybe I’ll run into him getting my daily coffee bean White Chocolate latte or maybe I’ll meet him on set… I guess only time will tell. But for right now, my happily ever after is my career… and you know what I’m cool with that.
Here’s to being a 22 year old working girl with no one to live for but herself.. someday my “stay in bed all day” partner will come along. Some awesome guy who I can “Get dressed up for a date” with and “be passionate and fearless” with. But for right now, I’m going to be passionate and fearless about my work because that’s what I’ve got and in life you can’t worry about what you don’t have… instead you should focus on what you do have and the rest will come eventually.. :)